My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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