420 ftw
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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