you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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