no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
