Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
