You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
