Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
