Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
