yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
