They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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