I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
