Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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