I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
worst night to have a conscience
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
