You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
