I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I can't put those talents on a resume
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
