Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize