Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
