is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
