You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
