Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The air was thick with penises
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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