One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
