Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
