i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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