I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
