quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
