Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
