I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
