Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
