so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
