the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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