eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
