i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
