where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
