Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
