Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
