remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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