Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
