How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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