I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
