Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well I just put wine in my tea
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
