Kiss
Puke
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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