So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
