someone get that fucking seahorse.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
as a side note pls kill me
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
