His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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