Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
