Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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