I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
