its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
