i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
