i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
