I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
