I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
