I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
