i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
