Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
