just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
