It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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