So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
