....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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