Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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