Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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