there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
