He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
