yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
