I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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