I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
