when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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