I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
