Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
