Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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