apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
