The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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