I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
