She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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