Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
