So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
