he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
