I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
