i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
