I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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