let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
