I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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