So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize