white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
