This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
