he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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