if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
