for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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