Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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