I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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