yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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