Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
