She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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