She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm like, not good at living.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
