Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
