my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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