Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
