he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
