He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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