Pappa wants mamma naked
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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