Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
