Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
As shirtless as possible
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
