Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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