All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
