Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
