Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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